Been Away for Awhile

I've been away for awhile, you know, improving my life and such... oh wait.. Best part is, I've done nothing. Well actually, I have done a lot, just not the things that necessarily improve lives.

Most recently, I was in an abusive relationship. And now I can fully understand why women don't just leave. I can't even explain it, nor do i wish to explain. But hey, go easy on those who are beaten and battered.

Here's an affliction I face: I am only attracted to black men. I'm not sure if it's a problem or not but I find myself almost repulsed by most white men. Maybe it's a bit hypocritical since I'm white but, s'all good. I like what I like. One of the only things I'm sure about in my life.

Boredom takes its toll, but i am working on growing another human, so i'm doing something at least. First trimester, I couldn't eat and threw up every single day and night. I lost 15 pounds which was weird. I had one ER trip and more than my fair share of my favorite suppository (ever insert a phenergan in a public bathroom? I sure have).  Second trimester has proven to be much better. I'm starving all the time, which is a change and I can't sleep past 7 or 8am without getting up to eat. Babies are tough work.. all this eating all the time..

Father of baby is not in the picture. So, I guess baby is all mine. I find out the gender in 4 days. I want a girl, but a boy wouldn't ruin my life either. I just hope the baby is still alive. I just have to assume there's still life inside me. I did hear the heart beat at 9 weeks, pretty cool. I have two heartbeats right now. 'Beat' that.... uh...

So anyway, the lesson to learn is this: decide what you want to do in your life instead of running around the country, getting pregnant, and getting charges against you. I mean it's fun and all. Just not that fun..